5) GUILT
This stage really coincides with stage 4 because the whole time I'm anxious about and questioning this life of being a "twin mom," I'm feeling pretty darn guilty about not considering this whole anomaly a blessing. When I was pregnant with Dakota, I never felt this way. I was excited the whole time and cried near the end of my pregnancy because I just couldn't wait another second to meet her and hold her. So, this time around, what was it? The fact that I wasn't getting exactly what I had envisioned? Was it because our financial situation had changed? Did I just now have a better idea of how hard it is to have a newborn and raise a child? Probably all of these things.
Some people made me feel guilty for not being more excited - but, more often, I was met with understanding words from numerous friends who listened to me drone on and on and grapple with this impending life change. Because of my hesitation to be super-duper excited about twins, I felt that if anything went wrong in my pregnancy, it would most definitely be my fault.
6) ACCEPTANCE/PERSPECTIVE
I'm happy to say that I've moved into this stage and am actually closing in on Stage 7. I'm extremely task-oriented, so as things get checked off my 9-month list of things-to-do (i.e. trading in my car, figuring out a budget, re-homing our extremely hyper Weimaraner, putting together the nursery, potty-training Dakota, etc.), I start to feel more ready for this. I'm letting go of my former life plan to which I held so tightly. While out to dinner a few months ago, I said to a friend, "Well, I guess God thinks I can handle this," to which she replied, "No, God knows He can handle it." And it started to click. I seem to have forgotten my foundation in faith through all this. Clearly, our family has a different calling, and I'm now open to embracing that and being thankful for it.
Regardless of my endless ridiculous insecurities about it, I most certainly will love these children as much as I love my daughter...and having that depth of love will change me. I now truly believe these babies will teach me more than I ever thought I had to learn about what it means to be "Mom." Furthermore, let's face it, they're going to be cute, hilarious, smart, and fantastic. And a few months from now, I'm not going to be able to picture life without my three children.
JONAS LAWSON CLARK
ADDISON JOY CLARK
7) HAPPINESS
This is what I have believed to be the natural final stage in twin pregnancy. And, as I am now 8 months pregnant, I'm pretty sure I was right. I've not only accepted my fate of being a mother of three, I'm feeling pretty calm and happy about it most days. Part of it may be that I'm so uncomfortable that I'm ready to not feel like I'm carrying a medicine ball around my waist. But the other part is that I've allowed myself the time to go through all previous stages. I would hate to go through all this mental anguish POST-births! It's not to say that I won't regress every so often to any of the aforementioned stages, but I'm on the up and up. Yes, these babies are going to rock our world. But....they're also going to rock.